Canaan Bound

I sin a lot. And lately I’ve doubted God. I’ve doubted God through my need for immediacy. Ya know, things like “God, I want to feel happy again” or “God, just put me in that dream job already” or “God, times running out so where’s my husband?” I hate that my heart is so set on me. When I get in urgency mode, I'm saying that what God’s doing RIGHT NOW isn’t good enough. I think that the pain I have to put up with every day should just go away but I haven’t earned it yet. And it’s impossible to think that He’s actually using this time to make me better. Andrew Peterson has a song that I really love and it’s been on repeat lately. It’s about Abraham and Sarah’s journey to Canaan and how God has PROMISED Abraham that He would do all these great things through a son. But at the time Sarah was barren so that wasn’t looking too good. They didn’t see how or when, but Abraham knew that God would come through. The world has kept going long since Abraham’s been gone and God used him to bless nations and nations and more nations. I just know that I miss it a lot of times. I claim Jesus so I must claim the promises that He’s made but I just don’t really trust in them most of the time. See when I doubt God, I rely on myself and that’s a sucky place to be. This issue goes way past being impatient, it’s a straight up disbelief in the whole story of redemption. Jesus has saved my soul and He’s promised victory and perfection in the very end. All that to say, even though things are dark for now and for who knows how long ahead, the story won't end there. Good.

I trembled at the voice of God
A voice of love and thunder deep
With love he means to save us all
And love has chosen you and me

Long after we are dead and gone
For a thousand years our tale be sung
How faith compelled and bore us on
How barren Sarah bore a son
So come to Canaan, come
-A.P.