quote of the day

In reference to Laguna Beach:

"and i didn't realize but they graduated class of 04....tell me that if we are grads with LC, Lo, and Stephen collette then we are so awesome."
-Amanda Mathis

And in the end, the words won't matter

"Grow where you're planted." That is such a cliche christian phrase. To me it means be content wherever God has put you. Yea yea I've heard it a million times and for about 13 seconds per year, I actually think about it and put it into practice. The preacher man touched on that a little bit Sunday and when he finished talking about that little phrase, I thought to myself, "Crap. I really have to do that!" Ya see, in my current situation, if I don't do that now I'm going to be miserable for a really long time and I don't really want that for myself. Most of you know that I passionately HATE having a routine. Going to the same job and having the same afternoon plans and even hanging with the same group of friends ALL the time drives me absolutely nuts. So last week all of that got to me because I had all of those things in a routine and I had pretty much decided to buy a big dog and move to Europe and live in my tent. Every day at work I thought to myself, "grad school is on the horizon. I just need to make it through the summer and I'll be on to something better." And then when I actually got my brain back, I realized that grad school probably won't make me any happier. It will probably just stress me out even more and I'll be ready to move on to my next adventure after writing my first paper. With all of my friends getting married and stuff I think that'll be really cool and that next step in life will be really exciting and I can't wait for that adventure! Well, that won't make me truly happy either. For several months now, I've felt like I'm stuck in this place where I don't know what to do with myself. I feel like everything is just kind of "in between." Well, enough of that. There is no "in betweens" in life. I don't think. The Lord wants me to be content in life, period. I'm not saying that everything in life is meaningless. Just stating the idea that if I'm not content in where I'm at right now, I won't be when the next thing comes around either.

But lets be honest, all that content stuff sucks. Because like every good thing in life, contentment is hard to come by and I can promise you I won't wake up tomorrow singing showtunes on my way to work. But not knowing His plans, yet trusting that they ARE good gets me on the right track to somewhere better. If I go through any part of my short little life waiting on the next big thing, I'll be thouroughly dissapointed over and over and over. No thanks.

Don't be afraid cause I won't keep track

I'm not one to overly complain or harp on a bad day, but when you have just an entire, flat out, no good week, I feel like I need to do just that. First of all it was REALLY long. Most weeks are only 7 days long. I feel like it should be the Wednesday after next by now. We didnt have bible study this week because some of the girls are on spring break. Bible study is a good and encouraging way to jump start the week usually, but I went without it this time. There is a young college-ish band called MyCalvary that lately plays all of FBC Gaffney's youth retreats. I only heard them a few times and the kids in it were all really great as far as I'd gotten to know them over the past couple of years. Tuesday morning Brandon, one of the members died in a car wreck. And even though I didn't know Brandon that well personally, it still hurts me to see everyone in my home church community be torn up and hurt over it all. And it makes me sick to think that he was even younger than me and how he died from something simple that we do everyday like driving. I also think the kids at work knew I was having a rough week and decided to see just how mad they could make me and how far they could run with my patience. And boy were they right on if that was their mission. It was probably the worst week at work yet as far as that goes, and every day got worse it seemed. Enough of that.

On the better side, my soccer team decided on the PIRATES as our team name this season! The Pipeline Pirates. At the end of practice on Tuesday we all put our hands in and yelled a big "Arrrrgh!" How adorable is that? Seriously. My team is awesome this season because, well, they know how to spell the word soccer. They are so much more attentive and they are actually understanding the whole soccer is a team sport concept. It's gonna be good.

Two weeks ago in church, we were singing this song about the Cross and at the end Christabell simply said, "the cross is all we have isnt it?" And that thought has constantly come up in my mind this week. Because no matter how angry or annoyed or tired I am, He is all I've got and the truth of the Cross is way better than everything good or bad about this life. I'm kind of jealous of Brandon.

"Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you."

-Psalm 63:3

Madness!!

As if I weren't already, I will be unusually concerned with the TV and espn.com in the coming weeks. Thursday is the first round of the NCAA tournament and until March 28th, it's all about March Madness. For the past 4 years I've planned my entire spring break around Winthrop's first round game but sadly this year I don't have much planning to do. Winthrop didn't make it, nor do I get a spring break so it all works out. But I will be watching my Duke Blue Devils who are the current ACC champions! and a #2 seed in the tournament. I will also be pulling for Michigan for the first time ever as they play Clemson on Thursday. My other passionately hated team is North Carolina, who plays Radford in the first round on Thursday. Radford beat Winthrop and everyone else in the conference out for the Big South Tournament this season, and while I wish it was Winthrop instead of Radford, I have to laugh because they have no chance against North Carolina.

December is probably my favorite month with Christmas and all. July is a close second because it defines summer. But March is a joyful month of the year for sports fans and I'm happy. Go Blue Devils!

We could run away, thinking it over

Lately this weather has me sort of discontent. A good kind though. I don't want to be in Rock Hill, I don't want to be even 100 miles from the office. I want to be camping or at the beach or both. Unfortunately I don't have a free weekend to do such things for as long as I've looked ahead in my calendar. Things are busy, but not necessarily a bad type of busy. Things at work are picking up really fast and soccer season starts this week and church duties never end and the house search i can see will be a task in addition. While in college I took trips every weekend and saw lots of good people and good things but I don't really do that anymore. There really aren't enough weekends in a year.

This week apparently is spring break for winthrop kids and I realized this is the first time in like 18 years I haven't had a spring break. Even though I didn't get a full one last year because of my internship, I still went to the beach so that counted. I guess it just shocks me because I got a week off at Christmas, so that wasn't terribly different. But man it's kind of depressing. Along with the many other things that I've found depressing as I've lately grown up. When I own the Carolina Panthers one day, the company will take a mandantory spring break in late April.

It's a close call, but I think Spring Oreos are better than the Halloween ones.

It's too hot for penguins

I mean how great is South Carolina? It snowed on Monday and it's been 75ish degrees this saturday and sunday! That is the very reason I love the south, but our state in particular. I do love New York and the big city-ness, but only for a few days at a time. Even though their summers are hot, it's too cold for too long. We have a nice long span of warm weather for a good amount of time, and usually we avoid the path of hurricanes or too many tornados or tidal waves. So yea, I love living here. But this morning in church I realized mentally I'm best suited for California or somewhere cool like that maybe. We had a really great pastor preachin in church this morning. And the way he talked about the church and what the world has made of it and what Christians have made of it, makes me want to leave the south, which in my opinion is where you'll find the heart of most issues. I wouldn't consider myself a liberal thinker, by however that word is truly defined. But with the southern baptist church being where I got most of my religious influence, I feel like my opinion can have some personal credibility. The church that I've been attending for 3 years now is not perfect. Shocking. In fact, I have had several thoughts of moving to another church, most of those thoughts within the past few months as we've searched for a new pastor. The former pastor was wonderful and it's taken a really long time to find a new one and that has bugged me. Not that I have many consistency issues, but not knowing what you're gonna get or who you're gonna get each sunday will make you tired as a church-goer. But within recent weeks of really trying to understand what a church is, I find that it's not about pastors or youth groups or vbs or coffee. It's about community. And not just the type of community where everyone has their part and each part does IT'S part, and then it stops there. Even though that is true, our "part" individually doesn't stop inside the church walls and it's not confined by a certain ministry or bible study or sunday school class. Sometimes churches today have it right when they say everyone in it has gifts and we should each use them to unite the body, but then it ends with that.

I was so convicted this morning in all the talk about what a church is and the difference in what the culture has made it and what Jesus desires it to be. I was convicted in a way that I haven't been in a really long time about how I treat other people, believers and non-believers. How I really use the gifts the Lord has given me and just how far that reaches. We are very set in our ways in most churches. I've attended churches before that have tons of programs with little or no effect on anyone as a result. Those programs and activities please the Christians. Not that I think this is different in all churches in California. I just use that as an example because I lived there for 10 weeks and the spiritual conversations were very different than they are here. I talked to people who literally have NO idea what you're talking about when you say the name Jesus. And here in the south we have this Christian culture that pretends like it's ok to go to church but you can live however you choose. I know this because I've been a part of it for 9 years now. I hate books that just throw out all these things that are wrong with the church, so I'm trying to avoid that here. Truth is the church is a bunch of sinners and it would be better if we acted like it sometimes I do beleive. This idea of loving unlovable people, people who are significantly different than I am, makes me want to get out of this state. Makes me want to spend my Sunday mornings on Blackmon Rd in the trailor park rather than inside the perfectly constructed church walls. That also goes for those churches full of twenty-somethings who meet under a tree. Some churches might meet inside a run-down high school building or a tent, but still have those selfish and close-minded attitudes because their focus is coolness instead of Jesus and his desire for the world.

Rant! sorry. but not really.

Can I get an Amen?

You know I had to update on the 30-hour Famine so here it is. Friday was a horrible day at work and I felt an unreasonable amount of stress from the lack of sleep I got the whole week because of all the work that had to be done for the weekend. So I wasn't feeling so peachy going into the church Friday night. But as I knew I would, I snapped right out of it and we had a fantastic weekend! I was really surprised by how mature the youth were. I know those two words typically don't go together, but we had some great discussions and they were really into it. On saturday morning we went to Blackmon Road, here in rock hill and took clothes to some of the homeless people out there. We got to give them clothes and pray with them and hang out with some kids all while it was flooding rain. It was really cool. For most of us, including myself, it was so unreal to see how bad the conditions are just a few miles from where we live. Rock Hill is the 3rd largest city in South Carolina, and in that particular area (among others) they don't have running water or electricity. Something is wrong with that, to be one of the biggest cities in the state. Over the weekend we played "tribal games" which were aimed at getting us to think about the lack of food around the world, as well as just to have some fun. We had great discussions about the food situations around the world and we really got slapped in the face with the realization that we have it made here in America. People say that everyday but taking a weekend to give up food and help others really drove it home. The 30 hour fast wasnt that bad. I think it was the 3 hours of sleep and 24 hours of running around the church that wore me out. We all took communion at the end, and for that bread to be the first thing you swallow after 30 hours just broke me all to peices. And it was awesome!

Another thing that was encouraging about the weekend was the realization that we (as in the church) have nothing to offer these young people really. I mean, we had an acoustic guitar for worship and we chose to sit on the floor to do most of the teaching and discussions. No praise band, no "professional" teachers, no huge church to play tons of games. That little detail got me fired up for youth ministry because ministry is what God makes of it, not all those other things that the culture around us seem to add on. And if this youth group grows to 700 students and we get David Crowder to do a concert for us one day, then that will be splendid. But until that day, the Lord will be pleased with what we do because that is our prayer for the ministry. God really taught me a lot in 24 hours not only about how rich I really am, but how much he satisfies me. He will take care of every need I have and I'm so helpless without Him.

In a sidenote: the pastor that took us on our outreach told me he was going to pray for me a boyfriend. Amen!