In reference to the thoughts below....

Brandi: " I read your blog about different careers."
Me: "You think I have a future in any of them?"
Brandi: "Maybe not broadway, because I think you would get annoyed by people being rediculous all the time."

Career Day

I'm aware that all of this is a direct result of my bad day, but I'm not shy in saying i dislike my job a lot. I wouldn't say I hate it, hate is a strong word and emotion and it doesn't fit here. BUT I can't even tell you guys how inspired I am to go to grad school from going to my current job day after day. As I sat in a bad mood I thought of all the possible career roads I could skip down incase my professional job of owning the Carolina Panthers doesn't play out. Here are a few:

• I really just want to be a sailor. I want to straight up be on a boat and be lost in the ocean for the rest of my days. I would play the guitar and get a tan and write about the sunsets that I would get to see every evening. mmm yea.
• You know those shows you watch every week and you think inside, "I like all of these songs playing in the background!" (ok maybe I just notice those things) But who has the job of picking out which songs make it into which episode? I want to be that person. That would let me listen to music all day and decide the cool factor of each song. And then put them into a clip that fits. Not that i particularly want to work for mtv or vh1, but you know. That just seems to be a totally radical job. A soundtrack maker for movies and tv shows.
• A Dj. Now that's a job I've been told I could do. Beth came up with my dj name, K-snap. I like it, and it gives me some gangster credibility i think. I love music and I love to watch people enjoy and dance and understand music. I want to wear the headphones on one ear and make scratchy sounds and mix lyrics together. Be an artist, ya dig?
• While on summer project we took a weekend trip to Yosemite National Park and it rocked my freakin world. I can't explain how beautiful and bright everything is there. I could totally be some sort of tour guide, park ranger, toilet cleaner, it just doesnt matter. I could and would live there doing anything anyone asked me to do. Oh boy.
• Broadway.

Those are just some back-ups. I actually do have to fight through my current job to get some satisfaction out of it. I'm the type of kid that knows what I want and I don't like to settle for things that make me clearly unhappy. So I'm having some troubles. And as fun and inviting as these career choices sound, I'm getting my second education to hopefully someday get the priviledge of doing what i really love and to ya know, get paid. I look forward to it.

Thoughts worth thinking about

I've been teaching Sunday school to the youth group at my church for a little over a year i guess. And not too far into it, we started studying the book of Luke. We are currently in chapter 9 out of 24 and we've been at it for almost a year. Right around chapter 3 i started to get annoyed. But the more I study the bible, and i mean really study it instead of just picking out the verses that seem to make me feel good, i realize that the Bible covers every issue. Just within the 9 chapters of Luke we've covered a lot of issues and topics that apply to everyone, and especially teenagers.

This week we went from the story where Jesus heals the boy with an evil spirit. Typcial story, i mean Jesus did these types of things all the time. But my favorite part is when Jesus says in verse 41 of chapter 9, "O unbeleiving generation. How long shall I stay with you and put up with you? Bring your son here." This was said after the Father who brought his son to Jesus to be healed had some doubt that Jesus couldn't heal him. I like to picture Jesus being really annoyed and saying this in the most parental way possible. Like when my Mom comes home to a messy house. Or my Dad takes away the light bulb in my room because I cant learn to cut off the light. The Father doubted on that day that Jesus couldn't save his son. The disciples certainly doubted, because they first tried to heal the boy but they couldn't. I feel like God has this tone on me when I doubt. Kind of like, "Really Katie? "Have you not been paying attention for the last 22 years?" My question to the youth was, "Is it ok to doubt?"

One of the girls said yes because doubting builds our faith. Literally thousands and thousands of times the Lord comes through for me and takes care of me and I still find some way to doubt him. And it's a wide range of doubt. I doubt that he has any idea what he's doing. I doubt that he's doing the right thing by putting me certain places and situations. and I certainly doubt his existence some days. Yep I said it. But with all the doubt comes the glorious reality that in the beginning He was here and in the end He'll be here. He's still the God that never changes but changes us so we'll never be the same again. I don't really know how to wrap up this long thought. so i won't. holler.

Snow!

I can't explain how much I hate cold weather, but once a year I suck it up. That one day of the year is that one day that it snows in South Carolina. Schools were closed and work was shut down because Rock Hill got about 2 inches. love that!

white people

Friday night me and some others planned on watching a movie. So when 8:00 rolled around, 15 people flooded my tiny apartment with no where to sit. Just to watch some rediculous movie about a sorority girl. The really awesome thing about all that though was that i only knew like 7 of the people. Most of the kids were freshman that some of the cru regulars had met just within the week they've been back at winthrop for the semester. One girl was from Finland, one from Germany, and two of them were from Sweden. Being around all these new folks made me realize how cruddy of a job i've been doing in reaching out to people. I mean, i know i'm not in college anymore, so the opportunities are a little more slim. The "workplace" is my new ministry opportunity, and believe me, they are definetly there. I look after 16 kids after school everyday, so that's definetly an outreach opportunity. BUT the night was really cool to be able to be around people who i dont know at all and to get to know new people. Something I had a real urgency to do while i was in college all the time. After the movie we put on the ipod and had a big dance party and taught the foreign students the cupid's shuffle. We just danced around like white people and had good conversation. I really want that urgency to meet new people like i had when i was in college and wanted to talk about spiritual things with everyone. I'll have to admit i didn't do a very good job of it right off the bat, but I constantly had the "reaching out" mentality and every person I talked to, christian or not, was an opportunity to have conversation about good things. I haven't been doing a bad job on this topic because I'm a hermit now that i've graduated, it's just not something I constantly think about for whatever reason anymore. I don't like it and I want to change. Sometimes I think God doesn't just teach us through those little snippets to tell us how much we suck. Even though I feel that way a lot of times. I think sometimes he just wants our thought process to change.

You remember me before I learned to run

Last sunday at manchester, Bob Hay was making a point and I remember him saying something along the lines of, "whether youre a kid, senior adult, spouse, or student." And I sat there thinking, I am none of those things! I've had this conversation with several people lately. Maybe that's why I feel the need to express my thoughts. Being a single 20-something adult type person who works is like being homeless. I feel like we have a disease ya know. I mean those single/career/young professionals classes in sunday school are kind of a new thing to the church i feel like. That's not always been a category. We (and by we i mean I) never treat singleness as a blessing. Or if I have that thought for 2 seconds, it either leaves quickly or I'm actually lying when I say it. Singleness is always that stage of constantly trying to make yourself feel better by saying things like, "God has the right person waiting for me somewhere in the future." And then there are those books like "Do you think im beautiful?" which I own, and "Lady in Waiting." Those are good books. I think. Especially girls, have shelves of self-help books on the dating topic to get us through until Mr. Right comes along. I really want to get married, don't get me wrong. I'm just sick of thinking this time of my life is just some waiting stage until something better comes along to give me purpose. I mean who has time for that? I want to start treating singleness as a blessing, not a reason for a doctor's appointment. And then there's that whole thing about being out of college and working. For four years in college, life is wonderful and you think that's what real life actually is. Well it aint. And I've only been out of college for about 8 months, so I'm no expert. But having a routine job, a whole different set of responsibilites, and usually a different group of friends is quite different from anything else prior to this point in life. You actually have to go to bed earlier because you technically have to be able to function at work the next morning. I don't always follow that rule. But I get by ok. What I'm trying to say is that this stage, if you ever experience it, is a very different part of life. One that I've hated since May 10th. But with a lot of time with the Lord and talking with friends who are feelin me on this too, I've learned that it's a huge blessing. A lot of character building has happened, I've realized I have way more emotions than I thought, and I've learned again and again who I have no choice but to rely on.

This year will be better than the last

I don't think I've ever had a new years resolution. I mean maybe one time when I was a troubled teen out to make my life better, but I've always just thought them to be lame. No real reason why I thought that. I figure that I can't really say they are lame without ever having one though. So in order to meet myself half-way, I've come up with a few suggestions. Good ideas, but it's not life or death if I keep them in 2009. Afterall there's always next year.

1. Memorize Scripture
2. Make up my bed every morning-Although it may require me to wake up a couple of minutes early.
3. Go play golf on Saturdays when I'm bored.
4. Eat healthier.
5. Cook more-especially for other people.
6. Actually call (yes on the phone!) friends I haven't talked to in a while.
7. Write a song, start a band.
8. Pray rather than worry
9. Actually learn the F chord on the guitar.
10. Drink less coke-I just put this on there for kicks. It won't happen.
11. Start writing a book.
12. Handle my money in a not so selfish way.
13. Take more pictures.
14. Clean out the storage closet-might take the whole year.