quote of the day

In the starbucks parking lot...

Erica to Stephen: "Maybe we'll call each other at the same time tonight!"
Kt: "Oh let's hope so!"
Erin: "Do yall want me to go in?"

at the trashcan in Zaxbys...

16 year-old boy to Erin: "That's a really nice dress by the way."

Processing

Dang it, the purpose of this blog is that hopefully I would encourage the person who reads it. Not every single time, but maybe once or twice with some idea I've crafted up. I usually never write about myself directly, I usually have some other purpose behind the things I say, hoping it's encouraging or positive or funny to someone who keeps up with this thing. But I just have to say, I don't have the juice for that right now. Truth is I'm not happy. I'm joyful and I'm hopeful but I'm not happy. Those things are different. Around midnight on Sunday night I went to urgent care because my body was in physical pain, pain that I'd never had before and it was one of the few moments I've ever really been terrified. I had no idea what was going on and at the moment felt like I had no chance of ever feeling better. It's what we call anxiety I do believe, and I do not wish that on anyone, no matter how young or old. My brain has no freakin idea how to grieve, I've never had to before, and usually I just call my Mom when it's something big and scary. Not being able to do that messes up everything inside of me and I'm tired of being physically hurt. I've always been a "rub some dirt in it" kinda girl and the most stress I feel is usually during a Carolina football game so all this is brand new. Sitting in the waiting room at the Doctor's office I felt about as big as a bread crumb. I couldn't do a thing about the way my body was handling things. I couldn't fix it, I couldn't just feel better, and I realized for the first time that this is going to take such a long time. If God's reasonings have anything to do with making less of myself, then he is well on his way. There's no way I'll come out of this without Him. I may not right this second, but I will love God more than I ever have when it's all over. Right now I have every right to be selfish and I think I'll take that privaledge some of the time, but God has knocked me down to about as low as it comes and trying to fix THAT on your own is literally impossible. So I guess I will write about myself and this battle for a little while, it's how I process things. Maybe it'll be helpful to someone one day, but I seriously pray that no one goes through this at a young age. I mean any age is hard. But 20's are your on top of the world years and everything is cool and new and fun and taking over the world is somewhere within reach. So it's a little different and 24 years is not long enough to learn how to handle things like this. Maybe I'll come out of it a little more mature. Let's hope so.

I need to write

I haven't even started to think about processing my life right now, but what I know to be true is that the plan is good. I fit into this really big plan, my Mom fit into it, my Dad and Scott fit into it. God doesn't ever need to explain himself but gladly He will one day and I'm excited to hear. My heart is so far from being healed at the moment, but I can't wait to learn from the healing process. To hear from Jesus and learn more about how sometimes life sucks but it really does without Him. So more to come, later on. The best advice I've gotten so far is to take all this one day at a time. My advice to you is go give your Mom a big hug.

The Boss

Quick! Someone needs to give me $1.6 billion to buy the Yankees. George Steinbrenner, the owner of the Yanks died yesterday as most of you probably heard. He was a crazy hardcore business man and is pretty much the reason the Yankees are what they are (the best team in baseball). One of his famous quotes is "Breathing first, then winning." I mean that's pretty intense. He did whatever it took and payed whatever amount to win baseball games. I'm not saying that's the most moral motto for your life, but in the name of business, it's pretty dang smart. There are only 2 sports teams worth more than the Yankees in the world, Manchester United (awesome soccer club in England) and the Dallas Cowboys (not so awesome football team in America) so he must have done something right. I'm going to my first Yankees game on Friday! There's a small portion of my life on Earth where I will strive to make all of my sports dreams come true and I'm well on my way with this one. It'll be the teams first game back from the All-Star break, the first game after their owner's death, and they're playing the second best team in the league. So I think I lucked out and couldn't be more excited. I think it's perfect timing if you ask me. I'm probably going meet some big shot wearing a tie and convince him that letting me be the next owner would be a great decision. All those who pitch in to buy me the team for my birthday, I'll give you a job and an endless amount of hot dogs on game days.

Fellowship of the Fellowship

I feel I've been hit by a train today. And I very well could have been at some point in the last 24 hours, I just have no brain activity so I really wouldn't remember. Last night I participated in what should be an equivelant competition to the boy's Chicken McNugget Challenge. Last night the youth group at MC had a Lord of the Rings marathon from 9pm-9am, and similar to the Chicken McNugget Challenge, you feel like total trash afterwards and you eat way more than you can handle during those long 12 hours. Going into this adventure I'd seen only the first half of the 1st movie and some clips of the 3rd movie but I was fully aware of what I was getting myself into. That's why I insisted on staying awake through the whole thing because I know myself, and I know I wouldn't have watched all 3 of them probably ever in my lifetime if not for this event. We started at about 9:40pm, took 0 breaks and finished at 9:15am. I moved from the couch to the floor once and shut my eyes right in the middle of the 3rd movie for about 3.5 minutes. 4 out of the 11 of us ate popcorn, brownies, chips & dip, pizza, and cheese puffs literally ALL night just to stay awake. I'm sure all that junk is the reason I can barely walk today. As far as the movies go, they are definetly EPIC. Which of course I knew already. I really liked them but I can promise you I'll have a better appreciation for them next time if it's actually at a proper viewing time. I didn't really learn all of the characters names or get all the little things that would make me a trivial pursuit champion but I'm ok with that. I'm just satisfied that I actually stayed awake during the 3 most action/gospel packed movies of all time pretty much and that we watched all 6 discs in a row. I shall visit the series again, maybe in the form of books one day, but don't count on it. When Gollum goes into the fire at the end all wide-eyed because he finally got what his heart was fixed on but it did him NO good....Vampires, you aint got nothing on that crap.

quote of the day

At Yummies, an icecream shop of hometown goodness.

Kt: "We used to sit in this booth too!"
Laura: "No we used to sit over there in the corner because I used to stick my hand in the mail slot."

may the 4th be with you

As someone who has a birthday, I get really into celebrating the day in which someone or something came into existence. Really I just like any good excuse to sing and have a cookout. A lot of people diss on America and rightly so. We currently are at war, we're killing tons of ocean life from our oil, and our soccer team should really be better than it is. As a birthday present to our land, I would suggest actually celebrating America on July 4th and take pride in living in such a beautiful, clean, and rich country. Take some time on Sunday and contemplate how lucky you are. Go outside and cook a hambuger on the grill, watch sports on your cable tv, shoot fireworks if you live in South Carolina, and let George Strait and Jay-Z play on your ipod. Support all those things that make America an overall good place to live. There's a lot of crap going on in the world. Earthquakes and tsunami's kill thousands of people every day. Children are raised and taught by strangers to kill people, if raised at all. Slavery still exists. Most people in Africa are just waiting to die from Aids. But in Cleveland, Ohio Lebron James wonders where his next $96 million will come from. I'm pretty thankful to live here for the simple fact that I've already lived 23 years and that would be cut in half if I lived in a third world country. Maybe you could write a little note or letter in your diary to our most powerful country, telling it how much fun you've had over the past 234 years. I think I will.



Dear Uncle Sam,
Way to go! Did you know that Justin Beiber can make a living for himself at just 12 years old? Thanks for the right to vote on our leader. Some children are given up or left by their parents and I might adopt them one day because I can. That Taylor Swift makes my toe tap. I can tell people about how awesome Jesus is and Target was the best idea anyone ever had. I love Rock Hill, SC and the money it pays me to live on. I love Moe's. You're my favorite country ever. Go Yankees!

Patriotically,
Katie